Ambition.

There are too many kids in my school who are not proficient readers-too many for the number of reading teachers and sections of reading intervention we have available to possibly help them all. In fact, I've had to make some decisions this year about who receives help and who does not. You have no idea how much that eats away at me. 

Sometimes my friends tease me about what an easy job I have now that I'm not in the classroom. And yes, in some ways being a literacy coach is easier. It's true, I don't have the day to day stress of preparing lessons, calling parents, or grading student work. However, having to make choices about which students do not get the help they need is what wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me nauseous just thinking about it. 

My wise colleague and good friend, Dr. Jennifer McCarty Plucker, consoled me this past Sunday when I called her to get a second opinion on how to prioritize the students in need of a double-dose. She told me the research she has been exploring indicates that when the students with severe reading needs exceed 20% of the school's population, the school should transition into a 'stop everything and do literacy' emergency. 

So, I spent the following 48 hours in a state of high stress-emergency mode. When I shared my state of emergency with my principal, he looked at me kind of puzzled and asked what had brought on this feeling. It's not like it is new information to me that about 50% of our students are not proficient readers. 

And that's when I realized there was a part of me that truly thought the reading teachers and I could do it alone. 

Don't get me wrong. I have the privilege of working with some DARN good reading teachers, but we need about 3-4 more on our team to actually provide service to half of the student body. 

Thus, I'm left struggling with where to begin... again.

"Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens."
-Lao Tzu, Philosopher